I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
