I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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