and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
