Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
