So drunk, too bad you don't want this
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
