I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
