I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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