dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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