At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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