My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
