WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
