I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
