I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
