So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
