literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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