quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
