i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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