If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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