I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
