We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
