whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize