Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
