it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
