So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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