My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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