Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
