i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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