I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
