are you so shy because you have an std?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
