I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
