Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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