How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
