I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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