I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
