My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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