i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
