bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
