I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
