Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
