there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
