just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is Oprah even human
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
