I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
