I won't be sarcastic... just naked
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
