dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
