My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So here I am, sexting at work.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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