I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
