bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
