We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
