I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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