You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
