He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
