What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
