so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
